Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
