god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
