yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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