I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
