so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
