cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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