so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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