Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
