two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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