Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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