I wish I could teleport
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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