i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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