last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
