I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
