Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
