You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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