My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
