i don't like sucking hair
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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