nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
