pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
