cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
