I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
