Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
