I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
