I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
