i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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