I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I touched a dick in church today
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
