The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
