Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
