I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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