I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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