yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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