I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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