I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
