So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
