she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
