you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
