Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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