Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
