I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
