some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
