bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
