fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
