We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
