weddingsv make me drug and hornr
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
