im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
