they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
