I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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