haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
