shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
