we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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