Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
