Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
