I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
