I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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