Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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