if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
